I just played what I felt was one of the worst gigs I’ve done in years, and definitely the worst I’ve ever done at Nova Express. The people there were very kind and sincere in their appreciation for the set, which was good to hear. But it was SOOOOOOOOO far below what I know I’m capable of, and what I’ve been able to do many times in that and other venues.
I’m too tired to blog about it in more detail. I’ll (probably) talk more about what went wrong, what bothered me, and (maybe most interestingly) what it seems to say about myself, and my expectations, that I’d have this kind of reaction to the situation that arose at the gig. The problem was nothing at all to do with Nova, by the way; I still love the place, and look forward to playing there again, just as soon as I can stand to hold my head up inside the place.
Momma told me there’d be days like this. She also told me that creative people always struggle with the disparity between what they want to achieve, and what they actually manage to create in the world outside of their own heads and hearts. She was right on both counts.